Do you talk too much?

A study conducted at the University of Rochester’s School of Medicine found that, to forge closer relationships with the people they treat, some physicians reveal personal information to their patients.

Stuff like details about their health, family members, travel, politics, hobbies, and other interests.

You’d think this would help establish a bond between doctors and patients on a more personal level.

But guess what?

According to an article in Rochester Review, the study showed that these personal disclosures “have few demonstrable benefits”.

In fact, doctors chatting up the people they’re treating may even “disrupt the flow of important patient information.”

The lesson?

Other people care more about themselves—their worries, their concerns, their fears, their hopes, their dreams, even what movie they saw last weekend or where they went for dinner last night—than they do about you.

Therefore, if you want people to like you, you have to stop talking…and start listening.

Should you care if people like you? Yes. Professional salespeople know that to get prospects to buy from you, they first have to like you.

Conversely, prospects won’t buy from someone they don’t like.

Is that a problem if you are not a “people person”?

It need not be. Take me as an example.

I am introverted and not social.

But people who meet me at business and social functions often report a positive experience.

The reason is simple: I ask them questions and listen to their answers.

I don’t interrupt them, but let them talk as long as they want.

When they are done, I don’t switch the topic to me.

Instead, I keep the conversation focused on them—by asking another question.

When should you stop catering to the other person…and start talking about yourself?

Well, if you’re a businessperson trying to make a sale, the answer is: really, never.

Perhaps you have heard the expression, “You have two ears but only one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk.”

That ratio is tilted in the right direction, only not far enough.

One of my mentors, the late Howard Shenson, once told me that, to be successful in business, you should listen 80% of the time and talk only 20% of the time.

A common misconception many salespeople share is the compulsion to—at some point in the conversation—get the prospect to stop talking long enough so they can finally make their “presentation”.

Their mistaken belief is that the presentation—an orderly recitation of features and benefits—is necessary to make the sale.

In fact, if you listen, your prospects will tell you exactly what you have to do—and say—to get them to buy.

Just follow their lead…and forget about your “presentation”…and you’ll close more and bigger deals, more often.

The more the prospect talks, the better it usually is for the salesperson.

People are happiest when they can talk to someone who appears to listen and be genuinely interested.

On the other hand, if you launch into a “presentation”, they may become bored and lose interest.

I once saw a graphic designer sitting in a marketing director’s office talking about designing a big capabilities brochure.

The marketing director was interested and ready to sign on the dotted line.

But instead of letting her do so, the graphic designer said, “Let me show you our portfolio” and began unzipping one of those big simulated leather portfolio cases.

“That’s not necessary,” said the marketing director, clearly pressed for time and ready to issue a purchase order (PO).

“But I do want you to see our latest work,” the designer insisted.

Before the marketing director could protest further, the graphics person opened the portfolio and began flipping pages.

The marketing director was clearly bored and in a hurry. She tried to end the dog-and-pony show, but the designer was oblivious, droning on about minute details of this catalog layout or that printing challenge.

Finally, the artist got the message. But it was too late. When the marketing director saw me observing the scene from another meeting in a conference room, she shook her head, as if to say, “What a blockhead!”

I later found out that the project was awarded to another firm. Yes, by talking too much, you can actually talk yourself out of the sale.

A good rule for selling: say only as much as you have to. Then, shut up. The more you talk, the greater your chances of saying something that the prospect will find objectionable or disagreeable. Result: sale gone.

The same principle of “put the listener first” works not just in selling, but in virtually every other interpersonal situation—from a worker persuading the boss of the best way to tackle a task, to 2 spouses debating what color tile to use in the new bathroom.

Copywriters, too, know that they have to write about not what’s important to them, but about what’s important to the reader.

Or as Don Hauptman puts it: “Start with the prospect, not with the product.”

Bob Bly is the author of “World’s Best Copywriting Secrets” and has written copy for more than 100 companies including IBM, Boardroom, Medical Economics and AT&T. He is the author of more than 75 books and a columnist for Target Marketing, Early To Rise and The Writer. McGraw-Hill calls him “America’s top copywriter”.

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