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How To Deal With Discussion Forum Flames

by Michael Rasmussen

In today's lesson, you're going to learn how to deal with people who flame you on the forums. A flame is a post that is negative or derogatory, and is usually designed to attack you. If you don't think it'll ever happen to you, think again. At least now you'll know exactly how to handle it.

Unfortunately, flames are a part of the everyday reality of discussion forums. Not knowing how to deal with them is like not knowing how to defend yourself if you're walking through a part of town where you know there is trouble lurking. Luckily, forums aren't nearly as dangerous as your local ghetto.

Why People Flame

There are 3 main reasons that people construct flame posts. They are:

#1 – They are perceiving an injury or loss, and they believe that you are the one who's responsible for the pain they are feeling...so they want to counter attack to make themselves feel better.

#2 – They are in an emotional state when they are writing their post, and they aren't thinking about the long-term consequences of their actions.

#3 – They are imagining themselves as the victim of whatever situation they are in, and they are imagining that YOU are their victimizer.

Now that you know why people flame, let's talk about...

How To Handle Them

The first thing you need to know is that you can't fight fire with fire...no matter how cool it sounds when you say that. That stuff usually only works in the movies.

In real life, you have to fight fire with water. Here's my 5-step process for doing just that. This has been tested and proven in dozens of situations.

STEP #1 – You have to write two text documents. The first one will be a private e-mail that you send to them, and the second will be a response to their post on the forum itself.

SIDENOTE: You have to write both of these at the same time, because you're going to be sending them at the same time.

STEP #2 – When writing to them, tell them that you understand how they could feel the way they feel, but that their feelings are based on a misunderstanding.

STEP #3 – Point out the specific errors in their post, and gently correct them. Fill them in on the information that they are missing or that they misinterpreted.

STEP #4 – Tell them how you will fix the problem, and then instruct them on how to fix the mistake they made by flaming you on the forum. Explain to them that you are forwarding their post to your attorney (but only say this if you mean it), and that you would like their contact info if they don't plan on doing step 5.

Speaking of which...

STEP #5 – Politely ask them to apologize to you publicly on the forum, and explain to the people who are following the thread that he/she made a mistake.

WORD OF WARNING – Don't go around making legal threats to people just because you're angry about their flame. If you don't actually have a lawyer, then don't tell people you're going to have your lawyer contact them. Going the legal route is something best saved for last resort.

Also, one other thing: make sure you take a screenshot of their post, and save it. It would also be smart to copy and paste their post into a text file, because the moderators might delete the entire thread before you can save the evidence.

In Conclusion...

The key to handling flames is to not take it personally, and to act quickly before the damage spreads.

BONUS TIP – One last thing that might help you craft your reply to the person who wrote the flame: tell them that you ALSO hate it when people do to you what he thinks you did to him. For example, if someone flamed you for not responding to an e-mail on time, you can say, "I hear ya. I hate it when people don't get back to me quickly either. I've been away at a conference for 2 days, and I wasn't able to get to my e-mail account until just now."

Of course, don't say this if it's not true, but I think you get the idea.

Many people call him "The Wizard" only because he has more than 50 websites that run profitably and automatically! Michael Rasmussen is also the author of Minisite Profits Exposed.

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