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The Relational Transmutation Between Woman, Man And God

by Nelson Tan

When Nicholas Ray, famed director of the movie “Rebel Without A Cause”, was asked, “What is the one thing you loved most?” His eyes widened as he exclaimed, “Women!” Not that men (or through the representation of Ray) were lecherous. He was merely stating a primordial and instinctive truth of how men look at women and cherish them as their own, if this is in any way most indicative of a typical treatment received by 'things' who were formed by God out of men’s ribs.

Men are called lecherous but never women, for women are never meant to desire men the same way men do towards them, as it is in the same manner with the attitudes of men towards God as opposed to how He looks at men with the utmost fervency of love, mercy and grace.

There is no greater love than that which comes from God. The next best sources of love must come from men, because surely men know something about giving love that women don’t. Men must ultimately recognize this truth and work their way towards it. As a popular saying goes, women are meant to be loved, not treated as a sex instrument. However, it is not up to women to preach that they must be loved, otherwise they would be seen as chasing after love and committing a gaffe in the process, i.e. the ‘feminists’. Smart men long knew they almost always think, talk, read and even sing about it. At the very least, if she likes a particular man, she should be very capable at dropping strong hints and clues which only the man and no others can notice.

Quite on the contrary, women know a hell lot about the human body and especially beauty—physical or otherwise—and are capable of ‘porting’ this knowledge into the realm of commercialism. To this point, men, being generally more thick-skinned—physically or otherwise—are at a disadvantage when they may even feel embarrassed about the issues of sex and sexuality. This is not saying men must give love and women must give sex, for truly when this happens, women are simply feeding men’s temptation to know more in order to fill “a missing gap”. This of course gives rise to the sex trade, but commercialism offers sexual knowledge interchange at the surface level.

If knowledge must have any impact at all, it must go deeper than naked skin. As the popular saying goes, the largest sexual organ of the human body is the brain.

Women, being soft-skinned, have some extraordinary and unique gifts going for them. Outwardly communication is the most obvious one. This author has yet to find a man who can match a woman in the number of words spoken on a per-day basis. If any man assumes women are supposed to be timid, silent and submissive, someone should bet with him on the dollar that he’s terribly mistaken. It’s simply not in women’s natural instinct to be like one. When a woman becomes frank and upfront with a man, that guy had better be afraid of being overwhelmed. All along it has been man’s imposition of his rule on a woman. More on the question of control later.

Outward sensitivity to her immediate environment is another one. Coupled with the popular belief that women are ‘wired’ to care and nurture, it is widely known that a woman’s awareness and perception of people’s needs is a real force to be reckoned with. Truth is, it has enough power to stabilize the world. Many historians define women as civilization creators and certainly the roles that women fulfill through the ages are keys for family stability and growth. Women were shipped to isolated frontier towns during the post-pioneering years of American Western expansion to stabilize communities. Young girls are still used today to stabilize unruly boys in classes by placing her next to him to immediately produce a quieting effect upon the boy. Marriage is seen to stabilize and calm the wild nature of men, so that through their transformation, they are inevitably protected from the unruly aspects of life which they need not get involved, be seen as cornerstones and also secure authoritative positions in society. Every successful man was assumed to have a woman behind him. Civil laws were written by men for men since men could not function without them, while women were considered to be above the laws of men since they historically were not concerned with them. In considering women in this aspect, the Eastern philosophies gave women a place of prominence that in Sanskrit was stated as “adhisthana” or of “standing above”.

The intuitive nature of women, boosted by sensitivity, becomes a supernatural conduit which layers their union and communication with God with great intimacy. With this high level of intimacy, they have a deeper trust in their personal beliefs and are definitely most harmonious within an environment that concerns with God. The men may not get it, but is there a more accurate reason for why there are more women helpers in churches, schools and hospitals than men? They are more than ready to slip into a role which promotes care and nurture, and it is not something that they would even think, talk, read or sing about to make it an issue. However, it is debatable whether this intuitive nature is meant to compensate a comparative and natural weakness.

Now, this ‘weakness’ is not particularly anything; in this article’s context, women are ‘weak’, that’s why they are called women. However, weakness is anything but, and it must be explained in context of men’s natural roles for a comparison, to give an idea why women are labeled as “weaker vessels”.

No matter how fast men can swim or run, how high and far they can leap, or how heavy they can carry, they can never touch the balancing beam or rule the catwalk. From the look of it, this is what women are all about: balance, beauty and breasts (Proverbs 5:19)...no, no, benevolence. Therein lies a truth about their physical makeup: they are more likely to suffer from osteoporosis.

Because women have deeper physical limitations and complexities, they are naturally dependent on men to give them assurance of the mind and protection of the body. Men have the physical (brute) strength, frame and clout to do so. God had made it such a way that the weak would depend on the strong, no two ways about it.

At any point in time of their lives when men are absent, women make up for it through their intuitive nature by drawing a limitless and tremendous supply of emotional strength from their immediate surroundings and a higher plane of Power.

The author is reminded of his late and lovingly grandmother. If one got to know her and lingered in her presence long enough, s/he would have felt a calm and meditative air around her. A lasting impression of her on the author was one of very mundane routine: she could sit for an hour plucking off the roots of bean sprouts while listening to Chinese opera tapes played on a portable radio in the kitchen. You wouldn’t have guessed plucking bean sprouts enabled her to raise 7 women and 2 men (the eldest is the author’s father). The author never spoke to his grandfather as the latter ascended into heaven long before he was born.

You see, ladies and gentlemen, this is another incredible gift of women. You keep hearing stories of extraordinary mothers who are nominated for “Mommy Of The Year”, about how they raise children, grandchildren, foster children and orphans no matter how weak or limited they are or have, and still, somehow, no matter what happens, the world and God’s providence move for them and never shortchange them.

To think that some women, having been made fully aware of their inherent intuitive nature, are led to believe they don’t need men (1 Corinthians 7:8, 7:40) is entirely a big mistake as much as men dare to proclaim they don’t need women because the latter would stifle a degree of greater freedom offered by bachelorhood. The lack of a “Daddy Of The Year” award is not indicative that more men than women do not perform their designated roles with flying colours. Neither does the problem solely lie with their ‘absence’, simply because something would be seriously wrong if a man sticks to a woman 24 hours a day.

For men, this is where it all begins. What are precisely men’s roles that have the force to shape and stabilize the world? How is men’s absence defined?

You have seen this picture before: a prehistoric caveman whacked a cavegirl on the head with a club and pulled her by the hair into the den. Has anyone wondered why it’s not the woman with a club? If it were the other way round, women would have no need for their intuitive nature. But it’s true.

By brute strength, men can grab anything they want, for God had long created all the treasures here on Earth. The author does not know which comic strip writer revolutionized this idea, but s/he should have patented it and collected royalty lifetime over lifetime, because millions of years later, men still have to go out into society to bring the bacon home. If they don’t do that, they are not ‘men’ whether they are single or attached. This is a given and unwritten acceptance by the majority.

However, there is a deeper paradox going on here though the author may be wrong. Men are not exactly wired or stereotyped to a particularly well-defined duty just as women are to care and nurture. Despite possessing physical strength, frame and clout, men can choose to slouch on the sofa with beer can in hand, watching English Premier League. With brute strength, men can choose to claim dictatorship and start a world war. With strength, men can choose to do and grab anything they want...so long as the intention and action do not positively contribute to the greater, common good.

The precise problem is a much larger picture of a certain fallen nature of the world, and it is this: between men, somehow they cannot rise above the realms of competition, greed and ego to achieve peace, friendship and prosperity for all. If men are of any use and function in order to achieve these good things, they must be wired to a calling of the good God with the kind of intuitive nature women have. This is not easy, for in the first place, men are already thick-skinned. The existence of civil laws is here to keep unruly men in check either because they cannot discipline themselves (so instead, they seek external control) or to a lesser degree, the women in these men’s lives fail to exert the required influence of calm to stabilize them.

It is ever so difficult for men to strike the perfect balance between strength and sensitivity. He needs to be guided spiritually, which feels like “pushing the vacuum” and at the same time, bring home the damn bacon (Philippians 1:23). Two contrasting opposites: Spiritual guidance is supernatural; the bacon represents ‘reality’.

How many of you like window-shopping despite not buying anything, raise your hands. That goes to show how happy you are with the experience of walking. The experience is all that matters: your senses are beset into a dream-like state with thousands of flashy new items of merchandize. You walk from store to store and forget what is displayed five seconds ago (James 1:24). And then finally, a thing looks so unbelievably attractive it burns your soul. You instinctively focus all your senses and mind upon the item to make it more real. Reality is proportional to the clarity of what is observed or to its becoming the only object of the senses with all else excluded.

The above paragraph describes the “bacon theory”. Since time immemorial, hunter-gatherers (which happened to be mostly men) had trained to focus all their senses, time and energy into the moment of the hunting activity. They had to do their darnest to make the surrounding greenery a substantial reality so that they can make trajectory guesses as to how fast and in which direction the prey would take cover. Millions of years later, for better or worse, guys exercise their spatial awareness through multiplayer deathmatches in virtual 3D maps, fragging opponents of prey. Men still stare, and stare, and stare at women. Some things never change, but the author digresses. The point is, in the context of the need to survive, men are relieved and take pride in their capability to ever land a catch. They just have to keep on praying that the world and God’s providence will move the catch for them.

On the other hand and strangely, no matter what the holy books say about leaving up to God, reality dictates that men still rely and trust on a good amount of their own strength to at least fend for himself and his family. Jesus relied and trusted on His Father for all infinity; that’s why He was crucified by men. It is unavoidable for ordinary men to factor in a sense of results-based purpose, like goal setting for example, into everything they do (there is a corporate joke whereby the male boss shouts to his secretary, “I want it done, and I want it done by 1.37 p.m. before I come back—yesterday!"). The disadvantage of this singular-reality mindedness is it only discourages men from behaving optimally without the need for an organizational framework because by their self-reliance, they won’t increase their level of trust for others, for their environment and for the belief of the greater, common good. It’s “every man for himself”.

This framework must have clear definitions for boundaries, relationships, positions and tasks before anything can move smoothly and anyone can overstep. Civil laws are a framework, so are institutions and documentation. The ‘framework’ mentality creeps so deep into good men’s thinking that love is love, sex is sex, “this 853-page report tells you why we must invade and take out weapons of mass destruction”, “according to chapter 6 section 14 of the protocol, you’re wrong and I’m right” and accounts of human nature play no part in religion. Take away this framework and men can do and grab anything they want so long as they don’t get caught (Matthew 24:45–51).

Take away God’s framework and if the worldly man cannot keep his lack of faith and confidence in check, he can easily worry over whether the catch of the day is enough for the family. By brute logic, he reckoned he would try harder and push himself further tomorrow to land a bigger catch. The sun settled into a soft, glowing orange ball. Passer-bys wore masks of soulless eyes and dull lips drawn out in thin red lines. He waited for the green light, but one minute felt like an eternity. For once, he felt kinship with the portly man in the car beside his. The man had a gaze that spoke of forlorn hope. He was ready to face the future no matter what happened today. The radio continued its news report from yesterday and the day before. Some things never changed, and all would have wished it were not their business so long as war and pestilence did not arrive right at their doorstep.

Tired and drained, he walked back to the family apartment after he parked his car.

“Honey I’m home!”

“Look at you! What smell and sweat. Go take a shower.”

“Later, I need to sit down and rest. I think I have a headache.”

“Don't ever think of messing the bed. I just changed the sheets. Would you please get a shower first?”

As usual, the husband did not care. 10 minutes later, the wife walked into the bedroom.

“Hey, I told you...”

She noticed tears streaming down the corners of her man’s shut lids. She silently leaned over him and stroked his forehead, gently asking, “Are you all right, dear? Is anything wrong? Are you sick?”

His fingers were cold, but he displayed no fever. The husband would not say anything, yet she knew the burden was terribly heavy in him. She began to worry too, but she would wait for his response. She just laid her hand on his, to let him know of her constant presence.

For a good while, she thought he had something pretty interesting to say and perked herself up for it. Finally, he asked, “Hon, have I ever disappointed you?”

Hah! “Is that all you are asking?”

He just looked at her sadly, waiting for an answer.

“Well, I guess there are countless. Now you dirtied the bed too.”

He grabbed her arm and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” He definitely doesn’t smell like he’s having an affair.

But she could not help noticing the tears flowing down the corners of his eyes and his sobbing breathes. There was an intense brokenness deep down in his heart where she could not reach. The first 3 ‘sorrys’ were targeted at her, then the next 5 were somewhat projected towards the ceiling. Now it was her turn to become speechless. She could not wait to know what the problem was as the cooking was not done yet. All she did was call out his name until he responded.

She said softly, “You can lie down for as long as you want, but please take your shower and get your dinner before it turns too cold. We’ll talk tomorrow,” and pecked him on the cheek.

That night, her husband moved around the apartment like a zombie. It really scared the wits out of her. Even the 7-year-old son was bewildered. He had never seen his father like this before. His mother assured him tomorrow would be all right, that he needed to concentrate on his homework. But the searing vision of a lifeless father became an indelible imprint in his highly awakened consciousness. He had many vague questions which he failed to mentally articulate in order to arrive at an answer. At his young age, all he could think of was, “Why?” He finally slumbered deeply past midnight.

Early next morning, he woke up to find his father sitting in the kitchen, watching his mother intently as she prepared breakfast. He walked slowly to his father who readily pulled out a chair for his little kid. Now the father had this weird grin which the boy could not get used to. It was getting all too strange for his comprehension.

Mum broke some eggs into the frying pan and rolled sausages in another. Crackling sounds and a thick aroma of morning food filled the kitchen.

The man said his first sentence of the day. “You know, I had a good cry yesterday. It was a cathartic experience.”

You’d bet his wife felt like groaning. All that crying must amount to something. “Are you telling me there’s no problem?”

As the boy observed his father rubbing his chin, still with a smile on his face, he wondered how might the conversation turned out. He thought there was a twist here, as much as his father’s mood twisted from last night for the better this morning.

“No, none at all. Maybe it’s an emotional release, right?” He winked at his son, who simply shrugged his shoulder. He got up and helped her to bring the eggs and sausages to the table. Suddenly he used his index finger to scratch her left buttock cheek. She was so stunned she jerked upright and slapped her husband’s arm. And smiled. The son did not notice anything surprising. In fact, he thought normal pace of action has resumed that day. He quickly gobbled up his sausages and eggs and got ready for school. While he tied his shoelaces, he could tell his mum had gaiety in her movement. She seemed to walk faster too. He run towards the car as papa waited to send him.

He closed the car door and waited for a second too long for the vehicle to move. For a moment, papa seemed deep in thoughts, then turned to his son and asked, “Are you ready to face the day?”

And this, my dear friends, is the end of a little story about the unseen relational transmutation of energy between Woman, Man and God.

Women, don’t you understand anything? Don’t you understand you are most beautiful when you stay meek, silent and submissive in the fear of the Lord (not under the manipulation of men’s will) while doing the most mundane, most unappreciated work of housekeeping? You’d never believe men behold a larger force at work every time you feel a patient’s pulse, show concern for a student’s performance, balance a stack of offering buckets, pluck a bean sprout or scramble an egg. You don’t even have to study too hard to understand the complexities of men’s roles in society, which even some men fail to define for themselves, or their stormy adventures at the gates (Proverbs 31:23). You just have to be aware that all men and women face their own set of gender-specific challenges and fulfill your role as befitting of a woman with balance, beauty and b…b…benevolence.

Men love you for your physical attractiveness and flatter your curves, but there is a praise beyond words and a feeling of refreshment when they see you do the work of a mother and wife of the house, or a woman of the church, school, hospital or country (a successful female CEO or president can still afford a housekeeping work-style). They are in praise because they sense they can come through your intuitive nature to God (1 Corinthian 11:12). The atmosphere of the home, with all its warmth, peace and serenity, acts as a foil to the vast openness, unpredictability and insecurity of the public. Home is one of the sweetest and fondest words enshrined in human affections. A woman’s greatest joy can come in making a happy home for her husband and children, simply because she cares for them and nurtures them. Men must feel there is confidence within the house so that he will not be distracted from doing great things outside the house.

Women, if you want to stimulate a man’s sexual organ all the days of your life, know and do this: Do not speak a word, but through your conduct, men may be transformed through God’s Word when they observe your chastity accompanied by fear. Do not adorn yourself with an emphasis on outward and visual glitter but release your incorruptible inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, for it is far above rubies. This beauty is called Virtue, and your man will have no lack of gain from it. You will guard the interest of his heart and the family, and do him good but not evil. You shall be willing to gather resources for the maintenance of your home, even if you have to travel far like a merchant ship. You will rise up before dawn breaks and provide food for the house. With your intelligence, you can invest and profit from the goodness of your merchandize, by making linen garments to sell and supply sashes to merchants, so that you may contribute to a life of abundance. You shall extend a helping hand to the poor and needy, but not be afraid for your own self and household, because strength and honor are your clothing. In time, you will rejoice when men and women look up to you, and dispense wisdom and the law of kindness with your tongue. You shall watch the ways of your house, such that your children rise up and call you blessed, and your husband praises, “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be given the fruits of her hand and labor, so that her name and good works will praise her all the way to the gates.

Oh men, how much in need you are to derive inspiration from the opposite gender! For her sake, you can develop such keenness of imagination, courage, willpower, persistence, and creative ability that even you yourself are surprised you never had them in the first place. The emotion of love brings out and develops your latent talent for artistry and aesthetics. All the riches in the world are nothing if you cannot use them to please the woman you love. Love leaves such a deep impression upon your very soul, even after the fire has been subdued by time and circumstance.

In her name, memories of love shall never pass, from which you continue to draw strength from. They linger, guide, and influence long after the source of stimulation has faded. For memories to last this long, surely they are not physical stuff. Love is so truly spiritual, without it, you may even lose the will to live. Without it, you may be afraid you cannot reach a higher level of achievement, and instead, revel in the past like a drunk in liquor (Ephesians 5:18) to escape the unpleasant reality of life.

But men, don’t you understand anything? Don’t you understand you are most amazing every time you write a groundbreaking article or book, step up on the podium to give a rousing speech, assume a leadership role or take charge of a messy situation? You’d never believe a larger force kicks in the moment you exude authority and power, even when you think you are short, fat and bald.

Women make your heart flutter and knees wobble. Women make you think irrationally and sometimes beyond time and reality, but until you begin to realize there is a greater, everlasting love that comes from God, you have never loved women. All along you think women’s love might fill the “missing gap” of your existence, until one day, you scratch your head and wonder why they are so weak, so fragile. The moment they complain of osteoporosis, you’d wish you dump them and move on.

In God’s love, you will be sapped of strength as your fingers turn cold. You yourself—mighty and super as you think—grow weak and fragile (1 Corinthians 1:27). God’s call to you heralds such a wonderfully new beginning and ending of a new life, you will be lost for words to describe your transformation into a New Man. You have no idea how to speak to Him or hear from Him, so how is it possible for you to say anything? But He hears your tumults and questions of “Why”, and takes heart His reliance and trust in a son like you is worth His effort at creation. He stretches a weird grin across His face and pulls a chair out for you to sit on the right hand of His throne.

Be as wide as the creek, be as high as the stars, be as far as the horizon (Ephesians 3:18), and you will live a long and wealthy life, sharing all of peace, friendship and prosperity with everyone. Do not laugh and say, “That fool on the other side of the fence doesn’t know anything.” We all don’t know anything! (1 Corinthian 2:2, 8:2) Is a night at the gates better spent laughing at someone under the moonlight as much as the other person laughs at you from home? How can you not be afraid before laughter turns into contempt and turns the whole world against you?

Instead, be strong and of good courage. Do not fear or be afraid, for God goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Gather the people together—men, women, children and the strangers within the gates—that they may enjoy listening to the laws and principles of living a godly life, and fear Him for as long as they live in the land of inheritance. Be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. Carry with you the poor, needy and less fortunate. Do not leave anyone behind, so that their sins may be forgiven too (Luke 5:18–20).

You have never understood women are truly gifts from God, until all your personal love for her was for the time merged into a personal love to your God and Savior. You see the good works of her hands illustrate the quiet strength and steely grace of an indomitable yet kind spirit. Her constant outwardly spiritual connection expands her sphere of awareness, enabling her to talk to a neighbor, nurse a baby, watch the children, work on the computer, cook breakfast, lunch and dinner. Perhaps she loves to prepare a reunion of the extended family and envisions to organize grander events for her loved ones…

But she needs to know all her efforts are not in vain. She needs to know for who is she doing all these things before accomplishments turn into chores. Her constitutions are weak; her defenses are low. While she may not hear from God clearly, she definitely can and wants to hear YOU, O father, husband and lover.

Men, before you want to stimulate a woman’s sexual organ all the days of your life, know this first: don’t scratch her buttocks until you are married! More than serving and pleasing you, women have an indescribable purpose and influence in supporting your relationship with God. As she gazes up to you with hypnotic, twinkling eyes, you will protect her, and love God through her as much as she sees the love of God in her husband. This is a great mystery of life, but it is your greatest opportunity yet to demonstrate love by action, for without her, your descendents would not multiply like the stars of the heaven and sands on the seashore (Genesis 22:17). As she dwells in honor of the family, you will give her due honor for her duty as a weaker vessel, so that you can establish an atmosphere of love in which she is free to grow and develop all that God wants her to be. Do not be absent, for love resides in you. Together as one flesh, being heirs of the grace of life, you will not return evil for evil, but righteousness for righteousness, and have compassion for each other, so that as of one mind, your prayers may not be hindered, but be called to inherit a blessing. Let F.E.A.R.—familiarity, encouragement, appreciation, reassurance—rule in love!

Just as flowers depend on sunshine and rain to blossom, a woman responds to encouragement, appreciation, and reassurance to blossom into the most beautiful of creatures under God’s heaven. A man gets from his wife what he invests in her. He cannot force her to love him, but he can show love to her and enjoy her loving response.

There is no greater demonstration of love than that which entails total self-sacrifice. To describe it as the greatest ‘gambit’ of them all is inappropriate, for love does not leave anything to chance. Love, like the energy of life, has always been and always is. It is absolutely unconditional and is right here, right now. You can’t possibly lose everything in order to gain everything, and yet you cannot have the best quality until you are prepared to count the cost and pay the price.

O, how many generations of ladies and gentlemen of the finest bred have failed to recognize the worthiness of one another among their own generation? Is there always another man or woman who is better than the one standing right here, right now? Surely, the eyes have not seen, nor the ears have heard of the treasures, riches and rewards that are already here on Earth. Have you not stopped to pick and choose, but begin to know and understand one special man or woman? Whose time, love and energy have you already wasted before the next generation arrives?

Men will grow, in the eyes of women, to become “admirable and handsome”, while women will grow, in the eyes of men, to become “kinder and beautiful”. But first of all, if men can fight to keep their appetite for power and control in check by submitting into God’s love, perhaps they may meet Him to give a good account for their conduct. If women fight for all the things they want to love and be loved, perhaps they will fight all the way, bump into God and give a good account for all their desires.

Perhaps the author may have enjoyed writing this article as much as you enjoy reading it, but his greater wish is that he never writes it at all, as he raises his hands and cries for a world in which heaven resides has no need for it.

Why should it, when it has already known and remembered there is no greater demonstration of love than that which happened in the most superlative manner: through death.

Some things are better left unsaid, when demonstrated.

God loves you. He really does.

And I love you too.

Cheers.

Nelson Tan is one-half of the Internet Mastery Center. Create Your Online Profits with the RIGHT Products, Environment and Mindset!

Author's Note: I wrote this primarily as a reaction to "Chapter 11: The Mystery Of Sex Transmutation" of Napoleon Hill's Think And Grow Rich. I felt there was something lacking about the way Napoleon attempted to discuss the relationship dynamics between men and women, which I couldn't put my finger into at first. That was 3 years ago.

I suppose this companion piece is good enough for an update. Oh no, I'm no relationship or spiritual guru, even as I admit the mistakes I had once committed after gaining clarity out of typing it. But I also look forward that every reader will take away something which they can learn from, so that s/he can strive for improvement in her/his life. It's the first step towards Mastery.

It may be 10% accurate or 90% accurate depending on how you look at it; I'm only telling it as it is. This article is always open to further correction though. Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway and had a few good laughs, simple as that!

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