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Forget Positive Thinking

by Ke O Agile Khiba

There are always explanations for why things happen to you or others. Even though you might not understand why. Some of the time, when things happen that you do not wish for, you may be tempted to throw your arms in the and wish...

But me! I just say 'Great'. You know why?

No, I am not one of the lucky few. I have learned a very life defining skill. And that is to maintain perspective. Of course you have heard about 'perspective'? Let us work on this together now, please.

Perspective is one of those influencers that are instrumental in shaping your reality. It is not the only influencer, but it does play a pretty crucial role.

You (and you alone) determine your perspective. Never mind what is happening out there. You are ultimately responsible for your outlook, because you can control your self-confidence, your self-talk, as well as your expectancies.

These three are the components of perspective. Success is much more possible when these three components are positive.

Yes, it might be raining out there and the sheriff might be knocking at your door. You might be faced with a bankruptcy and your most trusted partner might have just dumped you. But...what is important when these things happen is the climate/environment you are creating and maintaining in your head. Your glorious status might be history, but how about rewriting your future? And here's how...

Self-Confidence

It is important for you to remember that your perceptions of reality changes depending on how you feel about yourself at any given moment. Got that? If you are full of confidence, you diminish the power of outside factors, and your internal reality is charged up with resourcefulness. "What if my self-confidence is so low because of the failures I have experienced?" I hear you ask.

Focus on the fundamentals and basics. That is what you do. Make sure you master the fundamentals and basics of whatever it is that you want to do. And when you can do the fundamentals right, you have taken the first steps in increasing your self-confidence.

Step two involves making sure that you achieve small incremental victories. Little by little. From one small victory to the next 'little bit' bigger victory. It might be necessary at this stage to achieve as many 'baby victories' as possible. Until you feel more 'confident' to handle bigger situations. In NLP they call it 'small chunking'. Break down your challenge into smaller, manageable components. Achieve success in each little components. Haven't you heard how you eat an elephant?

Self-Talk

What do you say to yourself and about yourself when you are under pressure? Think about a particular incident? Was what you were saying then helpful, resourceful or was it discouraging?

Watch your words, because they might have a tendency of sabotaging your efforts at building self-confidence.

Your words communicate one of two things. They either communicate images of failure and helplessness or they communicate images of success and resourcefulness. If you communicate helplessness to yourself, especially when you are under pressure, you are not doing yourself any favor. Which would you prefer while you are building your self-confidence: a rhetoric of past failures or a message of hope and resourcefulness?

You can change the tape you want to hear. You can change what you tell yourself by:

a. monitoring your self-talk
b. using positive, concrete language and
c. maintaining perspective.

Ok, the title of this discussion is "Forget Positive Thinking". I bet you my last penny, positive thinking does not work. Especially if you are under severe pressure.

For me what has worked is the practicality of building my self-confidence, monitoring my self-talk, and maintaining perspective.

Ke O Agile Khiba is an NLP coach based in Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa. This is his blog.

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