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The Right Words For Positive Results

by Julie Fuimano

It is prevalent in our society to title projects, programs, and even our personal goals using the word "anti", "quit", or "stop" along with the very word that we want to eliminate such as "anti-drug" or "anti-violence". Language has an extraordinarily powerful impact. And we know that the brain only 'hears' positives. We also know by the Law of Attraction that what we think about we bring about. The word chosen for your title or goal is what you focus on and make more of. These negative titles hurt you by keeping your attention on the very thing you want to eradicate.

"Anti-Violence", "Anti-Drug", "Anti-War".

In these cases, the mind only hears the words 'violence', 'drug', 'war' which is where our attention focuses, hence, we bring about more of the same.

"Quit Smoking", "Stop Drinking", "Stop Bullying", "Stop Road Rage".

In order to truly 'stop' or 'quit' anything, you must become the opposite; for example, in order to truly stop smoking, you must change your identity and become a non-smoker or someone who loves and appreciates their health and lungs.

And one more: "Lose Weight".

You never want to choose a goal that focuses your attention on losing anything. Language your goals based on what you want to gain such as health, fitness, strength, or endurance. Then you can use weight or pant size as a measure for your success.

If we want to make real and sustainable change, then we must focus our attention on languaging and creating the very thing we DO want, not what we don't want.

So what do you want? You want peace? Create peace programs. Mother Theresa said that she would not attend Anti-War rally; but call it a Peace Rally and she'd be there. Focus all of your energies on peace; teach people how to live peacefully and in harmony with each other, with themselves, and with the earth. People focus on violence because that's what they know. They know how to be angry and they don't know what to do with that anger. Teach them how to love—first themselves—and then they will learn to love others. Who do you know that truly loves themselves, takes good care of themselves, and honors themselves? Do you treat yourself with respect and loving-kindness? Instead of anti-violence campaigns, let's teach each other how to love.

Love is one of those strange words that people often have difficulty with. It's just a word. But when we feel loved—truly loved—we feel safe and comforted. We feel connected and part of everything—including the universe. Sometimes, when you're out in nature, when you are performing a sport or perhaps when you're with your children, you experience deep feelings of love. Too often we are so busy that we don't take the time to experience these feelings. And too often, the very experience of deep feelings frightens us because we are not accustomed to feeling so deeply. We don't know how to experience our feelings or what to do with them when they arise so we get scared and avoid the feelings with busyness.

Love is not something you do; it is a state of being. We are not referring to the egoic love of self-image, stature, or prestige which is shallow and insecure, but rather the love that emanates from within demonstrating a level of acceptance and humanity which allows an individual to shine. If there was more love in the world, if more people knew how to love themselves, to accept themselves and their own humanity, then they would be more loving and accepting of others. There would be less hate, less crime, less hunger, less stress, less loneliness and more forgiveness, more mercy, and more happiness. Love is all we need in order to eliminate all of the antis: drugs, alcoholism, hate, and war.

Hate is love turned inside out. Mix love with some misdirected anger and an inability to handle deep emotions, add judgment, fear, self-pity or jealousy perhaps, and spend your days focused on it, thinking about it, talking about it, dwelling on it, and eventually it grows bigger and bigger until your hate becomes very strong. Hate requires constant refueling and renewing to keep it going. It actually takes a lot of energy to maintain your hate toward something or someone.

The interesting thing is that our spirit knows nothing of hate or anger or fear. It is only through our humanness that we can experience these things. Our spiritual selves know only love, forgiveness, mercy, gratitude.

If we are to make significant and lasting change in the world, then each of us can do our part by focusing on the wonderful and positive things you want to bring into your life. What if you experienced feelings of joy and love every day? Give yourself permission to enjoy the good stuff even when others around you are fixated on how bad or horrible things are; you don't have to agree with them! A little positive energy goes a long way. Start looking for the good in others and give people compliments. Only participate in constructive conversations. Then find people who are also positive and want more peace, love, joy, and acceptance.

Don't focus on what you don't want; only focus on what you do want and watch your language. We have all seen the bumper sticker that reads, "I owe. I owe. It's off to work I go." We can probably guess that the owner of the vehicle is in debt and we can predict with the Law of Attraction that if they read that every day, there's a good probability that they will stay in debt forever.

The other day I saw another bumper sticker. It read, "Think good thoughts." I think that's a great suggestion.

Wouldn't it be great to feel comfortable making decisions, handling conflict, and managing difficult situations and challenging personalities? Julie Fuimano is dedicated to helping you be your best! As the CEO of Nurturing Your Success and a Professional Coach, Julie has helped hundreds of people develop their personal power so they feel confident in their communications: managing emotional reactions, transcending conflicts, and speaking up for themselves. She is the author of the life manual and confidence builder, The Journey Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance—available wherever books are sold. To learn how Julie can help you or your organization, contact her at (610) 277-2726 or write to Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com. She offers a free coaching session for those interested in personal development and growth. Visit her website for more information and to sign up for her empowering e-newsletter.

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